Why Your Relationships Fail by Nadirah Muhammad, LMFTA
Relationships can be a source of validation for some individuals. The victory of winning over the heard of someone you admire is a definite confidence booster. The logistics of actually being in a new relationship is quite addicting as well. The excitement of getting to know another person on an intimate level is invigorating.
However, as the months pass on, those initial butterflies return to their cocoons as they await the rebirth of another new relationship. Those original spark induced kisses no longer ignite the flame within your heart. Your interest in their company withers away.
Challenges occur, and you eventually decide to break the relationship off. This chain of events is quite typical in the world of dating. But, what if this pattern takes place with every relationship you’ve encountered?
- You’re Expecting Too Much
We all want the best out of life. It’s even healthy to understand the importance of your self-value. Nevertheless, this reasoning must come with a limit. Do you expect your partner to be perfect in all areas?
Do you criticize them to the point of changing their behavior to what you desire? If so, you’ve probably encountered many devastating breakups because the reality of that mentality is narrow.
Over time, you’ll exhaust your partner with the hurtful feeling of never being good enough. This causes resentment which certainly leads to a detachment. The dilemma with high expectations in your partner is that you are inevitably placing yourself on a pedestal seeking to dictate the behavior of your mate.
This toxic need for control leaves you unfulfilled and constantly searching for “something better.” Perhaps learning how to let go and allow your match to be who they are will assist you with maintaining a relationship.
- You Never Learned How to Love
The familial structure in which we grew up with is paramount to understanding why your relationships fail. A recent study indicated that “children of divorced parents have more positive attitudes towards divorce and less favorable attitudes towards marriage.”
Once those children reach the point of dating, it’s easier for them to break off an unhappy relationship because they never learned how to love from their parental units.
Even early relationships can set the tone for how you feel about courting in adulthood. Perhaps you experienced a terrible relationship in high school and that affected how you view dating in general. It may be difficult to maintain a healthy relationship due to trust issues, self-esteem issues or deeply rooted scars that were never treated.
Our experiences play a huge role in how we perceive our future interactions with others. If you never experienced a positive image of love, of course trying to self-educate through trial and error will prove relentless.
- You Haven’t Reached Maturity
To sustain a relationship for an extended period of time, there needs to be a high level of maturity. This includes, not allowing the temptation of infidelity or flirting to creep into the relationship. Many times, relationships fail because one of the individuals is not mature enough to maintain their commitment. In addition to remaining faithful, maturity also impacts your ability to overcome conflict.
Are your relationships failing because mature and open communication is difficult for you? A healthy relationship requires both members involved to openly communicate with their partner when conflicts arise.
Immaturity is a reflection of impulsive breakups, the silent treatment, and tacky social media venting sessions. When you understand that self-growth is necessary for commitment, the idea of maintaining love through hardships won’t seem as difficult.
- You’re Moving Too Quickly
Sure, once you’ve found someone of interest, it can be especially easy to envision a future with them. However, springing the conversation of marriage and children on the first date is a turn-off. It’s scary and ultimately hastened.
A healthy relationship takes time to truly progress. Perhaps you are trying to finish a race that hasn’t even started. Rushing into a relationship will leave you hurt, confused and discouraged. Try to take it slow, develop that interest and watch how fun love can be!
It’s no secret that dating is challenging. However, it can also be fun. It’s important to learn how to balance the fun with the reality when searching for that special someone.
If you are wondering why your relationships constantly fail, take into account the aforementioned tips. Focus on self-development and the expiration date of your relationships will be nonexistent.
