Are You Emotionally Unavailable? by Nadirah Muhammad
Have you ever been told you’re emotionally unavailable? You probably reacted in horror at someone insinuating this is something you’re guilty of, yet the more you thought about it the more you realized it may be rooted in truth.
There may be a variety of reasons that you are emotionally unavailable, from protecting your heart after experiencing hurt before or feeling uncomfortable at the thought of letting someone get close to you.
Regardless of the cause, there may be some symptoms that will help you determine whether you are as emotionally unavailable as some people have claimed.
- You Don’t Let People Get Too Close
You can have a bunch of friends, you can have a list of exes as long as your arm, but that doesn’t mean that you get close to people. Ask yourself this – are you invested in those people? Do you have emotional ties and deep bonds with them?
There’s a stark difference between opening up to people and just hanging out. If your answer to these questions is no or you’re just unsure – then there’s a good chance you are emotionally unavailable.
- You Cut Ties
You may reach a point in time where you feel it’s appropriate to cut a toxic person out of your life and that is not what we’re referencing here. Emotionally unavailable people are ruthless when it comes to cutting people out of their lives at the first hint of a bond or an emotional tie. At the first sign of trouble or discomfort, it is far easier to cut and run than to invest the time and energy into resolving an issue.
- You’re An Elusive Enigma
This isn’t about keeping an air of mystery about yourself, no, this is about your dysfunction. Are you always canceling at the last minute? Do you rarely confirm plans, leaving friends to wonder whether you will attend? Do you refuse to get nailed down to plans by avoiding revealing your schedule? These are all signs that you’re afraid of getting too invested in people or allowing them to invest in you.
You know, it’s okay to put yourself first and practice self-care, but there’s a difference between that and cutting yourself off from everyone and keeping yourself an enigma.
- You’re Prone To Anger
Are you quick to snap? Do you feel on edge in standard interactions that most people would be able to handle coolly and calmly? It’s quite common for people who are emotionally unavailable to struggle with an emotion like anger. It often gets stuffed down and pushed aside and rears its ugly head at the most inopportune moments.
- You Strive For Perfection
In a lot of circles, perfectionism is painted as a positive, but there are a lot of other issues at play here. First, no one is perfect and it doesn’t matter how hard they try they will never attain what it is they’re pushing for. Secondly, this need for perfection can often cause someone who is emotionally unavailable to demand the same of others. When others inevitably fail to meet their exacting standards, they cut them from their lives. It’s perfectly acceptable to have standards, we should all have standards, but when you use that to criticize and demean someone you should realize it’s an unhealthy habit that belies your emotional unavailability.
If you hate the thought of talking about your feelings and you feel uncomfortable in any situation you don’t have control over then there’s a good chance your true problem is emotional unavailability. You don’t have to live with it, though, the first step in overcoming the issue is realizing there is one.
