Are You Attracting The Wrong People? By Nadirah Muhammad, LMFTA
Finding love is an exciting test of trial and error. The adventure of meeting someone new and determining if their energy fits yours is invigorating. Often this hunt for love is met with its own set of challenges. Date after date soon turns into a never-ending stream of disappointments. Even once you find love, the unhappiness prevails and you’re back to square one.
One might wonder, “what am I doing wrong?” The law of attraction is powerful; with its own agenda even. We often attract what we plant into the universe. Could this endless list of negative callers be a result of your own doing? Is there a specific algorithm to determining attraction?
Are You Confident in Yourself?
When considering the type of individuals, you are attracting, it’s imperative to analyze your current mental state. Relationship expert Suzanne Lachmann states, “With low self-esteem, it can seem as if nothing comes easily or naturally to you. Instead, because you don’t see yourself as naturally lovable, you feel like you have to fight and claw and strive for a mate.” A lack of self-confidence is a tremendous red flag when it comes to attracting negative people.
It’s like a toxic person can sense this vulnerability and they prey upon it. They use manipulation tactics to govern their victim’s decisions. Guilt trips that subconsciously convince him or her to act in their behalf. Sadly, this causes the self-conscious person to doubt their self-worth. The attraction is so strong physically, it’s hard to determine what’s lethal and what’s constructive.
Are You Settling for Love?
Possessing a low-self-worth is the domino that begins a multitude of off putting characteristics that attract contradictory people. As the chips fall, complying with settling for less is another detrimental pheromone that attracts in-and-out mates.
When dating for an extended period of time, the pool of fish that match your needs seem to grow smaller and smaller. As opposed to waiting until you’ve found the one, you decide that having a partner is better than no partner. This involves lowering your expectations to fulfill some subconscious need.
Studies have shown that individuals who settle for less, have a suppressed fear of ending up alone. Since this mentality is derived from fear any sort of comfort or reassurance from a romantic interest will fulfill that need.
What does this look like? Typically, you compensate your needs. You deal with behavior, status and even physical looks that are far from what you deserve. The danger in this reasoning ceases your happiness.
Sure, the person you are currently dating may be a truly decent human being. However, are they right for you? Could they, in turn, be happier with someone else?
Over time, the annoyance of settling will have you back on your hunt for what you truly need. Compromising what’s important to you to feel a sense of belonging to another person is futile. It only ends in a never-ending cycle of searching and disappointment.
Are You Progressing in Life?
When searching for that special someone, it’s important to make sure your priorities are in order. Perhaps you are attracting the wrong people because you aren’t where you want to be in life.
Financial stability, workplace happiness, and future goals are all important factors to consider when planning your own life. If you aren’t striving for better, chances are you aren’t receiving quality romantic partners either. Relentless unhappiness in your current state and the expression of it will only attract negative people who are in the same boat.
Determining your self-value will, in essence, help you to understand what you need in a partner. They will respect you and you won’t feel like you’re sacrificing everything for love. To attract greatness, you have to strive for it.
Once you’ve developed a security within yourself, that positive light will shine on the person who will compliment you wholeheartedly.
